Friday, August 17, 2012

Proverbs 31:25

"She is clothed in strength and dignity and laughs without fear of the future." <3 

Sometimes I wonder what kind of road I'm on, where my life is going. Why it feels like everyone around me is going places and my feet are just stuck to the ground. I feel like life is passing me by and I'm not doing anything about it. Sometimes I feel like something is missing, like something is off.  Some people are luckier than others. Some people know what they are supposed to do and they do it. If you're like me you know what you want to just don't know what you're supposed to do with it. I believe in trusting in God and I believe that he has a bigger plan for me then I have for myself. I want to take pictures for the rest of my life, I want to take pictures of the messes I make, of the people I meet, the animals and objects I love, the little things. I want to capture moments that people can not begin to describe till they look at a photo. I don't want to just take pictures of anything and have it not make a difference. I wanna travel and take pictures of problems around the world and I want to make people aware of what is going on outside there front doors. I want to help people understand things they can't with a snapshot. I want to see everything and be everywhere. I want to learn about cultures and global warming.  I want to read everything and eat different foods doing it.I want to appreciate everything I have more then I do now. I just don't know how to do that. I have this crazy theory that if I focus on one HUGE GOAL I have everything will just fall into place and not to let anything distract me. But then again I feel like I'm missing everything. To Sum up my life in a statement, it would be : Being truly blessed with life changing obstacles.

I have been through enough to know that nothing worth having comes easy but for once I just wish it was. I wish I could have that insane 20 seconds of courage to tell him that I love him.  I wish math was easy and I could just magically PASS that class. I wish my Jeep had gas all the time. I wish I could be with my amazing incredible beautiful smart funny friends all the time. I wish people wouldn't get their hearts broken and I wish I could open to someone without automatically assuming that I am going to be screwed over. I wish I could just be. I wish I could be happy all the time without feeling guilty for being happy when people have it so much worst then I ever will. 

Nothing kills me more then not being able to help someone in the way they need me to help them, but in all honesty I need to help myself and I need to smile but sometimes it is so hard and then I think of PROVERBS31:25 ..." She is clothed in strength and dignity and laughs without fear of the future." 
Dear God, thank you for everything you have blessed me with and accept my apology for not being as grateful as I should be all the time. You have truly outdone yourself with my life. I know sometimes I stray , but I will always come back to you. I'm yours. " So I'll stand with arms high and heart abandoned in awe of THE ONE who gave it all " <3 

So don't you worry your pretty little mind , people throw rocks at things that shine and life makes love look hard<3 '

-With love, Fearless.

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